Ella Emhoff is the stepdaughter that stepmoms just like me have been looking forward to

As the first daughter of Bushwick, Kamala Harris isn’t an inferior, “other” mom. She’s Momala.

In the year I became a step-mom with a precocious 6 year old I didn’t know what to do to locate models to emulate. I scoured the internet high and low but was disappointed by the results. Stepmothers struggle to overcome the stigma associated with as “the other,” a perception that is reinforced by fairy tales and, most recently, Republican politicians. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene from Georgia for instance, has publicly condemned stepmoms as unworthy and Trump’s 2024 running mate Senator. JD Vance of Ohio.

Vance has declared the vice president Kamala Harris “anti-child” and an “childless cat lady.” This isn’t shocking to her stepdaughter Ella Emhoff, the daughter of Harris her husband, Doug. (Doug had been married to producer Kerstin Emhoff prior to their divorce after 2008.) Alongside her brother Cole, the 25-year-old recently stood up for Harris through social networks, writing, “I love my three parents.”

Think of the children and their stepparents in the present who can refer to a photo that shows Kamala as well as Ella hugging one another (a photograph I sent to my stepson’s daughter) and make it a point of reference as a guide and an inspiring illustration of a non-nuclear family. Imagine seeing this blended family performing on screen at DNC this week as Americans are fighting for a presidential candidate who isn’t just an African-American woman as well as a stepmom.

I would have loved to have benefited from this example couple of years ago. Instead, I was struggling to find direction. It was like being blind leading the blind when I started reading Reddit forums about stepparenting, and following a few niche stepmom influencers. I bought memoirs by stepmothers, as well as I read the publication ” The Birth of a Foster, Adoptive or Stepmother: Beyond Biological Mothering Attachments.” It was interesting to read pieces online and I wrote some additional. I felt the necessity to speak out in support of stepmothering and bridge the gaps in culture I was encountering in real time.

For a long time Disney films (and non-Disney films) have been telling us that biological stepmothers and mothers are intrinsically adversaries. We’re pitted against one other, and stepmothers are believed to be villains. Even if we were not “evil” per se, we were certainly not “real” parents.

When my stepdaughter turned an adult it was a subject we discussed frequently and we pondered over the reason stepmoms were being treated so badly. We tried to strengthen our bond by celebrating Stepmom’s Day every year.

Everyone knows that children must see themselves as represented in the world around them, particularly as they grow older. Ella Emhoff is the perfect model of what it is to for a family to be challenged by stereotypes of nuclear families. Ella Emhoff, the “First Daughter” of Bushwick has hair in her armpits and crochets. She is a proponent of gender-affirming and trans rights and has clearly no patience for anyone who attempts to discredit her family’s relations. This isn’t “Cinderella.” It’s far, far better.

It’s also evident the fact that Ella along with her older brother admire and respect their stepmother. They don’t have any animosity towards his second wife. They are content that their father is content. This respect is also echoed by his first partner, Kerstin. In fact, when Vance’s accusations on Harris began to be covered by the press, Kerstin, too, helped her parent. “For over 10 years, since Cole and Ella were teenagers, Kamala has been a co-parent with Doug and I,” she declared in an official statement. “She is loving, nurturing, fiercely protective, and always present. I love our blended family and am grateful to have her in it.”

And even though Republicans may not wish to admit that they have blended families, those aren’t just normal and are normal. “It’s a cool dynamic we all have,” Ella stated to The New York Times in 2021. “And I think it is a good model to show that you can have this and this isn’t weird. Like it’s not weird to be friends or have a good relationship with your ex. It’s actually very healthy.”

In his 2020 Atlantic article “The Nuclear Family Was a Mistake,” David Brooks writes that today, nuclear families with two-biological-parent households are in the minority. However, he states that this isn’t a cause for worry. “The good news is that human beings adapt, even if politics are slow to do so. When one family form stops working, people cast about for something new–sometimes finding it in something very old,” He observed. One of the “old” ideas is the notion of the concept of kinship. “We think of kin as those biologically related to us,” Brooks writes. “But throughout most of human history, kinship was something you could create.”

Although Republicans may not wish to admit that, blended families such as those aren’t just normal — they’re typical.

The closest group of my friends live living in distinct and vibrant family structures. My most beloved friends are from a family consisting of three members: an adoptive dad and stepdad as well as their 13-year-old daughter. They share a parent with their other adoptive dad from their previous marriage. One of their friends has a home within a polyamorous family with their spouse for 10 years as well as their partner’s partner, and the two children of their partner’s partner. They believe this arrangement helps make the familial unit stronger. One of my closest friends who is in her 40s lives in a relationship that is not married to her boyfriend, and his son, aged 6 years old. He is constantly moving between their homes.

Are these families “real”? If you are living with your child, are you an “real” parent? What happens if your driving the stepchild for a long time? What if they lie close to you and suffer from nightmares? What can you do to get through a difficult test?

Stepparent alienation and discrimination are one of the most specific types of grieving that is largely unresolved. In fact, it requires an individual with a lot of strength to become a stepparentit’s not one for those with weak of heart. It’s even happened to me that I’ve been called”a “childless stepmom” over the years. It’s the most absurd term you can come up with.

You can trust me when I say: are holding your stepdaughter’s hair as she throws up, take your child to school and back, take the girl for the first time to Europe in her first trip, drive her to an urgent clinic and argue with her about the mess in her room, offer to with the cost of her private school, and leave Post-its throughout the house which read, “Brush your teeth,” help her choose the perfect dress to wear for the first time at a dance. help her clean her face and also wear deodorant and a the hula hoop, and pump gas you’re not “childless,” you’re childplus. and.

This is something that the first daughter of Bushwick and the potential First female President of the United States, both understand. Kamala Harris isn’t some lesser, “other” mom. She’s Momala.